update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love accidental penises.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
