he thought i was a dude.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
