We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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