What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
