Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
