Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
