You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
