I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
