remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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