life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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