What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
