you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
