Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
