I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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