I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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