Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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