wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
