I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
