so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
