I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
