did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
