im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
