Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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