He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm always down for nudity.
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