My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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