yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
