M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
