hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
