btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
