then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
