when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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