i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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