I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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