That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
