Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
