Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
