I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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