Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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