You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
