Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
