Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
