Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
