In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
