i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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