You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
