So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
