Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize