hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
