Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
