dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
