Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
