Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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