sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
