I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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