then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
True college students do jello shots in the library
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
