I CAN MOONWALK!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
cat food counts as protein by the way
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
