my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
