why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
