K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
