the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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