I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
