i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Houston, we have a squirter
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize