Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did you just send me my own nude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
