There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
