dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
