My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
