I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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