So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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