He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
