At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
