i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
