i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize