Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
