at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
