Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
