He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
