Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't shave. On purpose
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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