Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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